Funny Things to Say at a Wedding Ceremony

I have a good sense of humor (if I do say so myself) and love telling a joke or two to brighten up the room.

How to Choose the Best Jokes for a Wedding

There are many duties that the Master/Mistress of Ceremonies may have to cover at a wedding: announcements, planning, leading the flow of the ceremony, and introducing the bride and groom at the reception.

However, I am focusing on one specific MC role: telling jokes. This article will help you master the unique art of telling jokes at a wedding. Below you will find all different kinds of one-liners, jokes, and marriage-related celebrity quotes.

Jokes and Romantic One-Liners You Can Say as an MC

1. Grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember to get the last two words in: "Yes, dear".
2. This couple was married for 67 years. The husband/wife was asked if in all those years had they ever thought of divorce. "Heavens no," he/she replied. "Murder, yes. But never divorce."
3. Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.
4. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
5. Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.
6. My wife says I never listen, or something like that.
7. I wanted to make a short toast of my own. I've known John and Jane for a few years now, and I've seen them make a lot of tough decisions together. Some good decisions and some not-so-good decisions. I'm just glad that I could be here today to witness them make the best decision of their lives . . . dramatic pause . . . choosing me as their MC.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

— Rita Rudner

Quotes on Marriage From Celebrities

• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.—Rita Rudner
• A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.—Evan Esar
• Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half-shut afterwards.—Benjamin Franklin
• The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.—Anne Bancroft
• The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed.—J. Krishnamurti
• A heart that loves is always young.—Anonymous
• Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.—Aristotle
• By all means marry; if you get a good wife/husband, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.—Socrates
• If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.—Winnie the Pooh
• Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me.—Sarah Bernhardt

Telling jokes will keep the guests entertained and paying attention during the wedding ceremony.

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Do Your Research to Choose the Best Wedding MC Jokes

If you were chosen to be the MC then congratulations! You may be the Best Man, Maid of Honor, or Matron of Honor. It does not matter who you are, you will want to make sure that you leave a positive and lasting effect on the bride and groom for the rest of their lives . . . because they will remember everything. (Don't let that scare you . . . especially if you are inexperienced!)

If you do not know the bride and groom, get to know them. However, chances are that you know the bride and groom well. Talk to them and find out how they envision their wedding reception, what they want, and how they want it. Remember, this is their day.

Second, if you are like most people you will need to do some thorough research on jokes. Choose jokes that make you laugh. Don't choose jokes you do not like or do not get. When you finally choose jokes that make you laugh, you may have to re-tune them to how you speak.

Putting jokes into the language you and your audience speak will also enable you to deliver your jokes with more ease and professionalism, like how a waterfall never halts. You will be able to deliver jokes like a true comedian. There is nothing wrong with rewording a joke as long as you keep the punch line.

Make Sure You Have a Punchline

According to Dictionary.com, the meaning of punch line is "the climactic phrase or sentence in a joke, speech, advertisement, or humorous story that produces the desired effect."

For example, here are some jokes that illustrate the role of the punchline:

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

This one-liner joke is simple and hardly needs to be re-tuned to your audience. However, people speak in many ways. You might consider making a minor change by substituting "most effective way" for "best way," "a sure way," or "a sure-fire way." The first couple of words may be changed, but the last part of the joke should remain intact because it is the punch line.

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Why are husbands like lawnmowers? They are hard to get started, they give off foul odors, and do not work half the time.

According to how your audience speaks, you could make many changes to this joke. For instance, depending upon where you live, you may call lawnmowers something else. If this true for you, then it might be a good idea to use the word from your region. Just remember to keep the answer intact.

Practice With an Audience

After you find your wedding jokes, memorize them like the back of your hand. Memorize them like your life depends on it. After you have the jokes in your head, test them out on some friends and family.

• Did they laugh (at you and not the joke)?

• Did they give a fake laugh?

• Did they just stare at you with blank eyes?

If so, don't let that get you down. Let them know how important this is to you and ask for feedback. It could be something as small as presentation. Did you raise your voice on all the right parts? Did you emphasize the right words? Did you give the dramatic pause? All of this is important when telling a joke. Telling jokes must become second nature to you.

Once again, just practice and rehearse your jokes in front of people who are honest and do not beat around the bush trying to preserve your feelings. Ask them for the honest feedback you need to survive . . . I mean be successful!

Avoid Offensive Wedding Jokes

Do not be offensive to the bride and the groom or to the parents and in-laws. Stay away from mother-in-law jokes. For example, do not use this wedding joke or wedding jokes like it:

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

Stick with clean jokes. You must keep in mind that the jokes you tell have a strong reflection on you. For example, if you keep telling jokes about nagging wives, people are going to start thinking that your marriage may not be so great and if your wife is at the wedding . . . well, let's not go there. The point is people may begin to not regard you as highly and you don't want that.

Jokes about marriage being negative or equivalent to losing freedom are not good either. I would stick with jokes that do not scare the newlyweds, but instead foreshadow a happy and successful marriage. Therefore, try not to use jokes like this one:

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

You may be saying, "Well, what's so bad about this joke?" I will answer you by saying that marriage is supposed to be happy and that a husband and wife should want each other equally. Therefore, try to keep your jokes positive.

You want to keep the audience on your side. Present yourself as a warm and caring person. This will ensure your audience's attachment to you. They will be willing and ready to hear what you have to say, especially if you prove to be funny. Nobody likes a person who tries to steal the limelight, especially if you're stealing it away from the bride and groom.

Joe on December 26, 2019:

Jokes that will make people laugh

Jankie Bernard Ramaili on June 09, 2019:

I really like Mceeing...

I wish u could add more mc jokes

Josh Ighomena on March 18, 2019:

This is

Comedian O2 on September 05, 2018:

This is excellent

JP on April 23, 2018:

Thank you very much, absolutely spot-on

Amy croker on April 14, 2018:

Amy croker

mc eazy on May 14, 2017:

i forget what i intend saying must times

Francine McDonald Vassell from Jamaica on May 06, 2017:

I thank you so much for your advice I will be using these jokes I think you did a great job....blessings ♡♡♡

Es on November 29, 2016:

This was a great read thanks very much

ziya tshangana on November 08, 2016:

this has just helped me, i am about to be an MC in 4 days at a wedding, i have been doing it on birthday parties and other events but never at a wedding. m soo scared

Ken on September 14, 2016:

Really helpful, and well-written. Thanks!

Say Yes To Life on August 09, 2016:

Rabbi:. "The first 10 years of marriage are the most difficult."

Newlyweds:. "How long have you been married?"

Rabbi:. "Ten years."

~ traditional Jewish joke.

Godfrey Luyombya,Uganda on July 20, 2016:

This is a nice piece to rely on. Its making me "self contained" in my words.

#ThumbsUp

gold on July 05, 2015:

Sighs*** after reading this I feel like I can do it..reading through I actually pictured myself on stage..lol.i have been searchin for three days is this is most helpful so far..thanks dignifiedluv..

First time I've been given the honour,

Four months to practice.Good luck to me

MC Pashun on March 24, 2015:

You are a Pro thinker....More Wisdom to u.

Itu on February 16, 2015:

Loved this article very much. Very well written and very insightful. More especially because I've always felt that getting the audience on your side is crucial, it makes even mildly funny jokes very funny to them once you have captured their hearts. I'm due to MC my second ever wedding in about 9 days. This will help.

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on August 02, 2014:

@ dignifiedlove,

You are truly welcome. I only told the truth. Keep up the fine work and I am excited about the possibility of you following me.

I mean it.

God bless you.

dignifiedlove (author) on August 02, 2014:

Thank you, Kenneth Avery! I appreciate your words of sincerity.

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on July 25, 2014:

This is an excellent piece of writing. Amazing, to be perfectly-honest.

I loved every word--and the lay-out was superb. Interesting, in-depth,

helpful, and very informative. Great job.

Voted up and all the choices because you deserve it.

You have such a gift for writing. I am honored to have discovered you.

Sincerely,

Kenneth Avery, Hamilton, Alabama

Johng233 on May 06, 2014:

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Jd on January 01, 2014:

Ok.......

Joe on August 21, 2013:

No i tried to kiss her

dignifiedlove (author) on June 29, 2012:

lol, of course you were just being sarcastic though...right? A joke gone bad perhaps?

Joe on June 28, 2012:

I hit on the bride when I was a MC, it did not go over well

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Source: https://holidappy.com/party-planning/Best-Wedding-MC-Jokes-How-to-Make-a-Wedding-Ceremony-Highly-Enjoyable

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